Vengeance: The infliction of pain on another in return for a hurt or a wrong.
This week at North Point, John Woodall (Twitter), the Director of Married Community Groups and former Care Director, spoke on the topic of “Vengeance.” Continuing in the trend of the other messages at church this month, John’s was another reality check.
Are you aware of your subtle ways of taking vengeance?
“Hurt happens.” We’ve all been hurt and we’ve all hurt someone. And it’s human nature to want to get back at that purpose, to seek revenge, vengeance. We want to inflict pain on those who hurt us.
When I think of the word “vengeance” I think of scenes from movies when the bad guy gets what he deserves. The hero has been wronged, or someone he loves has been hurt, and the bad guy(s) have to pay.
John said that his wife defines vengeance as: “What I enjoy doing to people who hurt me.” When something wrong is done, someone has to pay.
However, vengeance isn’t always a really elaborate reaction to the person who hurt us. Sometimes vengeance is much quieter.
We withdraw.
We belittle.
We hold a grudge.
We suppress.
But as Christians, we’re instructed to go about this an entirely different way. “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes” (Romans 12:17 HCSB). And Paul wrote to the Christians in Rome who were being persecuted: “Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord” (Romans 12:19 HCSB).
We are not supposed to take our own revenge against people who have wronged us. God will properly avenge any wrongs that have been done. Our job, as Christians, is to
Engage, not withdraw.
Be humble, not belittle.
Let go of things, not hold a grudge.
Process and not suppress.
Giving someone the quiet treatment or a cold shoulder because they were a jerk to you does no one any good. Instead, engage with that person and fix the relationship.
I’m really guilty of belittling people. When someone makes me mad or does something I don’t like, I’m probably going to say something about it…to everyone else. I will do my best to tear that person down in subtle and not so subtle ways. Instead of doing that, I should really just shut up about the problem I’m having with someone and engage with that person.
I know some people who can hold grudges longer than the other person will even remember the incident. And from personal experience, I know that most grudges are usually over really stupid things. It seems like it’s easier to deal with big issues than it is small issues, so we just hold a grudge against the other person. This often plays out in passive-aggressive behavior against people whom we interact with and are the subject of a grudge.
Sometimes, instead of dealing with a problem, we shove it way down inside of us. Eventually it works to the top and someone is the innocent victim. I usually like to deal with a problem as soon as I can, but sometimes circumstances prevent this. Because I want to personally move on, I’ll bury the issue until something triggers a response to it again. It can get ugly.
What about you? Which of those four types of vengeance are most guilty of? Is there anyone in your life who you have shut out because they wronged you in some way?